QUESTIONS ON SEXUAL FOREPLAY AND WET DREAMS

 The Marriage of St. Joseph with the Blessed Virgin Mary

Anonymous said... 

 

Is foreplay between a married couple a sin?

Ang wet dreams ba ay kasalanan? During the dream i have sex sometimes with another woman, sometimes with my daughter. Grabe! Of course unconscious ako because I was sound asleep but inside the dream, it felt very real and it felt like I have full knowledge of it. But when I wake up I pray and say sorry to God. Is this a sin? Sometimes naman I don't dream at all but when I wake up my underwear is wet. Is this a sin that I should confess? 

November 8, 2011 1:01 PM

Fr. Abe, CRS said...

[Is foreplay between a married couple a sin?]

NO. THE MARRIED COUPLE OR THE HUSBAND AND WIFE HAVE THE RIGHT AND PRIVILEGE TO ENJOY EACH OTHER. MARRIAGE IS NOT ONLY SPIRITUAL UNION BUT ALSO LEGAL, SOCIAL AND BODILY UNION. THE HUSBAND AND WIFE SHARE THEIR RESOURCES AND THAT INCLUDES THEIR BODIES. HOWEVER, EVEN SEXUAL UNION HAS ETHICAL STANDARDS. THEY SHOULD AVOID THINGS THAT IS DETRIMENTAL TO THEIR HUMAN DIGNITY AND CHRISTIAN VALUES OR THOSE THINGS THAT ARE CONTRARY TO HUMAN REASONS. FOR INSTANCE, MASOCHISTS ACTS OF HURTING OR WOUNDING EACH OTHER DURING SEXUAL ACTS AND THE LIKE. EVEN SEXUAL ACTS MUST BE DONE WITH MODESTY AND DECENCY BECAUSE IT IS SACRED TO THE LORD.

IT IS ALSO REQUIRED THAT FOREPLAY MUST END IN SEXUAL UNION, THAT IS, TO THE PENETRATION OF THE FEMALE GENITAL BY THE MALE GENITAL [OF THE WIFE BY THE HUSBAND]. ALL FOREPLAY ARE MERE PREPARATIONS TO THAT ULTIMATE SEXUAL ACT. THE KEY MUST BE INSIDE THE LOCK AT THE RIGHT TIME AT THE RIGHT PLACE. FOREPLAYS ARE MEANS TO AN END AND NOT THE END ITSELF OTHERWISE THEY BECOME MERE SELFISH SATISFACTION OF LUSTS SIMILAR TO MASTURBATION BUT DONE WITH ANOTHER PERSON'S HELP. SEXUAL ACT MUST END WITH THE PENETRATION THROUGH WHICH IT BECOMES BOTH CONJUGAL AND PROCREATIVE. THUS, WITHDRAWAL OR RELEASE OF THE SEED OF LIFE OUTSIDE THE NATURAL PLACE IS ABOMINATION TO GOD AS SHOWN BY THE SIN OF ONAN.

[Ang wet dreams ba ay kasalanan?]

WET DREAMS IF IT IS JUST A NATURAL RELEASE OF SEEDS WHILE YOU ARE SLEEPING IS NOT SINFUL BY ITSELF. BECAUSE IT IS OUR BODIES' NATURAL PROCESS OF RELEASING EXCESS CELLS LIKE PERSPIRING OR URINATING. BUT IF IT WAS ACCOMPANIED BY MENTAL ACTS WHICH IS SINFUL THEN IT BECOMES TAINTED WITH SIN AS WELL AND MUST BE CONFESSED.

MANY SPIRITUAL MASTERS SUGGEST THAT IN ORDER TO BE SURE ALL WET DREAMS SHOULD BE CONFESSED AND LET THE CONFESSOR JUDGE IF THEY ARE SINFUL OR NOT. 

[During the dream i have sex sometimes with another woman, sometimes with my daughter. Grabe!]

GRABE TALAGA YAN. THESE SHOWS THAT THOSE WET DREAMS MUST BE CONFESSED BECAUSE THEY ARE ACCOMPANIED BY SINFUL THOUGHTS.

ALWAYS BEAR IN MIND THAT THOSE THOUGHTS WILL NOT ENTER YOUR MIND DURING SLEEP IF THEY ARE NOT TRIGGERED BY SOMETHING YOU HAVE IMAGINED OR HAVE READ OR THOUGHT OF PREVIOUSLY WHILE YOU WERE AWAKE. MOST PROBABLY YOU WERE ATTRACTED TO OTHER WOMEN BESIDE YOUR WIFE AND YOU WERE LUSTING FOR THEM, IF NOT INTENTIONALLY AT LEAST UNCONSCIOUSLY SO THAT THEY RISES TO THE FORE DURING YOUR DREAMS. THEY COULD ALSO BE EFFECTS OF THE MOVIES THAT YOU'VE WATCHED OR BY THE STORIES YOU'VE ENCOUNTERED ON TV, COMICS, RADIO OR GOSSIPS.

IT IS ALSO PROBABLE THAT UNCONSCIOUSLY ALSO YOU WERE NOTICING YOUR DAUGHTER GROWING BODILY AS A WOMAN AND SOMETIMES SHE WEARS SHORT CLOTHES AT HOME OR WERE CHANGING CLOTHES WITHOUT MALICE NEAR HER PARENTS FOR THEM TO SEE SO THAT SATAN USES THESE IMAGES TO LURE YOU INTO TEMPTATIONS. INDEED, SOME FATHERS OR GRANDFATHERS OR UNCLES OR BROTHERS WERE TEMPTED TO RAPE THEIR DAUGHTER, GRANDAUGHTER, NIECE OR SISTER BECAUSE OF THIS. THAT KIND OF TEMPTATION IS REAL AND VERY DANGEROUS. SO YOU MUST BE VERY CAREFUL NOT TO FALL. YES, YOU MUST CONFESS THIS KIND OF DREAMS.

[Of course unconscious ako because I was sound asleep but inside the dream, it felt very real and it felt like I have full knowledge of it.]

AS I'VE SAID DREAMS OF THESE KIND DO NOT ARISE OUT OF VACUUM OR OUT OF THIN AIR. THEY ARE TRIGGERED BY SOMETHING. SO, BE MORE MODEST WITH YOUR DAUGHTERS. AND DON'T LET THEM WEAR SEDUCTED CLOTHES AT HOME. TEACH THEM TO BE MODEST.

[But when I wake up I pray and say sorry to God.]

THAT IS GOOD. NOURISH YOUR LIFE IN PRAYER AND THE SACRAMENTS. ALWAYS  CALL ON THE LORD TO SEND FORTH HIS HOLY SPIRIT UPON YOU. AND BE VERY CAREFUL AT HOME. BE A LOVING FATHER TO YOUR DAUGHTERS BUT AT THE SAME TIME PUT SOME DISTANCE AS WELL. LET THEM BE MORE CLOSE WITH THE MOTHER WITHOUT YOU BEING TOO FAR. BE NEAR BUT NOT SO CLOSE FOR SIN TO REIGN. FOR INSTANCE, WHEN YOU KISS THEM KISS ON THE FOREHEAD FULL OF LOVE AND RESPECT NOT ON THE CHEEK THAT ONE GIVE TO YOUR WIFE.

[Is this a sin?]

THE DREAMS ARE SINFUL: ADULTERY AND INCEST. IF THE EFFECTS ARE SINFUL THEN THE ROOT CAUSES MUST BE SINFUL AS WELL. SO, IT IS RIGHT THAT YOU SAY SORRY TO GOD AND PRAY FOR THEM AND ALSO CONFESS THEM SO THAT THE CHURCH COULD BIND THAT SIN AND REMOVE IT FROM YOUR SOUL.

[Sometimes naman I don't dream at all but when I wake up my underwear is wet. Is this a sin that I should confess?]

THIS IS THE KIND OF WET DREAMS THAT BY NATURE IS NOT SINFUL. HOWEVER, AS I'VE SAID IT IS SAFER TO CONFESS THEM STILL SO THAT IF THERE IS AN ELEMENT OF SIN INVOLVED IT CAN BE ERASED BY THE POWER OF THE CHURCH TO BIND AND LOOSE. 

November 15, 2011 12:08 PM